Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
