I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
