So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
