Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
