operation harelip BJ is a go
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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