the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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