If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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