I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
