saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
