I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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