I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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