remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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