Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
