plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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