I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
