I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
