I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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