What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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