tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
