That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
