Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
