Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
