i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
