put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
