I'm really into asian looking animals
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
