I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
