It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
