apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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