She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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