do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
