You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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