1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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