is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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