dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
