how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
