Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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