If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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