Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
