3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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