New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize