FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
