The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
