oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
