Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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