i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
