Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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