I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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