My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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