I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
