Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize