As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
