And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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