thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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