You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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