So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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