you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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