he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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