I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
