That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
