Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
