It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
