we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
