I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
