you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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