He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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