nut hugger
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
