I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
