The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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