I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Terrible idea I love it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
