I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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