I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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