i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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