I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
