Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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