The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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